POEM: To My Dead Fetus

You’re supposed to be in heaven
As of a month ago, although, you
Could be in limbo. I dunno.
You’re gone and now I can finish
My semester. Still,
Questions fester.

As I rummage through the looseleaf
And the spiral notebooks, looking
For the answers to essay questions, you’re
Still fresh in my mind, like that
Last cup of coffee; somehow, maybe,
This wasn’t the right decision; the pros and the cons
Weren’t debated with academic
Precision, and like any other
Operation, you should weigh the risks
Before they make an incision, but honestly
I had a different vision.

I switch channels to late night talk show
Discussion.

No one asked me if I wanted to get pregnant.
I took the Pill and he had a condom. What are
The chances? And what are the chances
That he’d turned out to be a jerk?

I couldn’t face the world pregnant. I couldn’t be
One those girls who was thought to
Not take precautions; or be one of those moms
In the supermarket you know is single because
She’s so young and her kid is a brat.
I didn’t want to be that.

The exam was soon, and I needed an “A”
To get the scholarship; I had to make it go away
And as foolish as it sounds
I started to pray.

When they sucked you out, the clouds dispelled
And I thanked the doctor for saving my life.
Crisis over. Back to normal. Things back on track.

But I suspect a little soul was zapped that day.
Gone. We kill all kinds of things in this world
And don’t feel sorry.

Except I’m a little sorry we didn’t get
Introduced. It might have been fun to love you.
And see you smile.

But it would have costed. I have a life to live.
A degree to finish. A career to manage.
Can’t be bothered with it. Still.
I can’t help think what if.
I can’t help to think of where you are
And if I’ll see you again.
And if you’ll love me.

They say abortion is murder.

It’s murder alright.